Role Models
A Caregiving Story

00:00:06:10 - 00:00:09:10
How do you gauge
an invisible disease?

00:00:10:03 - 00:00:12:03
We can't see it.

00:00:12:17 - 00:00:14:01
How'd you sleep?

00:00:16:06 - 00:00:17:14
[Laughs]

00:00:17:23 - 00:00:19:21
My dad's my hero.

00:00:19:21 - 00:00:22:21
But how do you communicate with him
about something

00:00:23:01 - 00:00:24:20
that may be amiss with him?

00:00:28:01 - 00:00:30:04
All aboard!

00:00:30:16 - 00:00:32:00
[Laughs]

00:00:32:00 - 00:00:34:09
Stop being an 83-year-old.

00:00:34:09 - 00:00:34:23
What?

00:00:34:23 - 00:00:37:16
Stop being an 83-year-old.

00:00:37:16 - 00:00:40:00
Hey, watch this.

00:00:40:00 - 00:00:42:08
[Laughs]

00:00:42:08 - 00:00:44:01
My dad's doctor

00:00:44:11 - 00:00:47:04
said he's showing
signs of mild cognitive impairment.

00:00:47:04 - 00:00:50:11
They suggested that maybe
dad needs some you know,

00:00:51:17 - 00:00:52:12
care.

00:00:59:23 - 00:01:03:02
Let's get his, medication rolling.

00:01:04:10 - 00:01:06:17
When I moved back home,

00:01:06:17 - 00:01:09:16
interacting with my dad,
we’d butt heads.

00:01:10:06 - 00:01:13:06
I need to put your eyedrops.

00:01:13:12 - 00:01:15:16
Him being this bachelor

00:01:15:16 - 00:01:18:04
living in this house

00:01:18:04 - 00:01:21:04
and I was kind of invading his
space.

00:01:21:06 - 00:01:23:05
I felt I knew better,

00:01:25:04 - 00:01:28:04
and he knew exactly what he wanted.

00:01:29:21 - 00:01:32:20
He would get combative and

00:01:33:20 - 00:01:35:11
didn't know
if that was part of the disease

00:01:35:11 - 00:01:38:10
or if it was just him.

00:01:41:15 - 00:01:44:05
I've had to have glasses
thrown at me.

00:01:44:05 - 00:01:47:19
I've had to be kicked,
punched, screamed at,

00:01:48:17 - 00:01:51:10
door slammed in my face.

00:01:51:10 - 00:01:54:02
There was times where he would tell
people,

00:01:54:02 - 00:01:55:13
I don't want him living here.

00:01:56:16 - 00:01:59:17
I mean,
it was a shitty part of my life.

00:02:03:23 - 00:02:05:18
No one showed us

00:02:05:18 - 00:02:08:17
this is how you approach
the situation.

00:02:08:23 - 00:02:11:21
In our culture, in our family,

00:02:11:21 - 00:02:13:22
there was no real model

00:02:13:22 - 00:02:16:22
of a male caregiver.

00:02:17:18 - 00:02:20:03
I need some type of support.

00:02:20:03 - 00:02:21:10
I need some help.

00:02:21:10 - 00:02:24:10
I had no clue what I needed to do.

00:02:32:00 - 00:02:33:07
You got that?

00:02:33:07 - 00:02:36:07
He's throwing things at me again.

00:02:37:03 - 00:02:37:23
I had to understand.

00:02:37:23 - 00:02:41:11
I was talking
to two different people.

00:02:41:18 - 00:02:45:17
I had to
learn how to approach my dad

00:02:46:16 - 00:02:48:00
in a manner

00:02:48:00 - 00:02:51:00
that not
only dementia can understand,

00:02:51:08 - 00:02:54:07
but also my dad couldn't understand.

00:03:04:08 - 00:03:06:15
I had to utilize

00:03:06:15 - 00:03:10:07
some of the humor
that we've grown up with.

00:03:10:07 - 00:03:16:03

And if I can get him
to change his shirt, maybe

00:03:16:03 - 00:03:19:08
get him into the shower while I’m
utilizing

00:03:19:08 - 00:03:22:08
these strategies,

00:03:22:17 - 00:03:25:17
that’s a win.

00:03:35:09 - 00:03:37:11
Well, the breeze is nice anyway.

00:03:37:11 - 00:03:39:19
And the flowers are beautiful.

00:03:39:19 - 00:03:44:01
Today,
we go outside and I’ll point out the flowers

00:03:48:01 - 00:03:50:12
and Dad says, ‘yep, you’re mom’s there.

00:03:50:12 - 00:03:52:16
She’s smiling at us.’

00:03:52:16 - 00:03:57:00
♫ It'll go a long way in a dark world. ♫

00:03:57:00 - 00:03:59:13
Who planted those flowers?

00:03:59:13 - 00:04:00:22
- Your Mama.

00:04:00:22 - 00:04:03:05
- It wasn't until many years later

00:04:03:12 - 00:04:06:12
that I put one and one together,

00:04:06:21 - 00:04:09:21
that my dad was that example.

00:04:10:13 - 00:04:12:17
He was caring for my mom

00:04:12:17 - 00:04:16:20
while my mom was going
through breast cancer and diabetes.

00:04:17:13 - 00:04:21:19
Dad was a male caregiver
before he even knew

00:04:21:19 - 00:04:25:02
what a male caregiver was.

00:04:25:02 - 00:04:28:13
We need more male caregivers
to stand up and do this work.

00:04:29:23 - 00:04:31:01
It's about

00:04:31:01 - 00:04:34:01
a love story.

00:04:34:20 - 00:04:37:22
We care for our loved ones,
who raised us up.

00:04:38:18 - 00:04:40:08
Who held our hands.

00:04:40:08 - 00:04:43:08
Taught us
everything we need to know.

00:04:44:12 - 00:04:46:07
And we do it out of love.

00:04:46:07 - 00:04:48:01
Because we care.

00:04:48:16 - 00:04:53:05
♫ All we have. All we have is now. ♫

00:04:53:10 - 00:04:56:04
♫ All we have is now. ♫