Dad Comes First
A Caregiving Story

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[LYNNETTE] It was never an option

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for dad to be in assisted living.

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I always told him
as long as I had breath in my body,

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I am going to take care of him
in his home.

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He always wanted to be in his home.

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One of his sayings was,

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“I’d walk through hell in gasoline shorts
for y’all”.

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[Laughs]

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Even as an adult
if I needed anything all I had to do

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was pick up the phone
and call and he’d make it happen,

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and that’s what
I want to do for him,

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just make it happen.

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Let’s get him up to the top
just a hair.

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First and Third.

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One, two, three. Ok.

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When I first moved back here,
I felt like time just stopped.

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I'll have some coffee for
you in just a minute. Okay?

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Okay.

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Dad, can you hear me?

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I feel like I was frozen in
just this

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hamster wheel of just

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doing things the same every day.

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Okay, we're good there.

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And the world outside me
was just passing,

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and time was passing
for everybody else but me.

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Okay, dad, I'm going to roll you
to our Caprice real quick, okay?

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Okay.

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We got you.

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We got you, dad.

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Okay. Cut! Okay.

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One, two. Real gently. Dad.

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Here we go.

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Okay. Got one more roll here...

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I felt honestly
like a prisoner in the home.

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I'm going to go ahead

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and put his laxative in his coffee.

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Dad’s like a baby.

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They’re one hundred percent dependent upon you

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and you have to be able to respond.

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I'm very fortunate
that I work remotely.

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Sometimes he's bright eyed and bushy
tailed at like 8:00 am

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when I'm starting my first conference call

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and I'm like, ugh, aren't
you supposed to be sleeping in dad?

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Hey, dad, just checking on you.

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Feeling okay?I’ve

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even had, like,
my computer in his room on mute

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listening to a conference call
while I’m

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trying to change him
or give him some food. So

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it’s a juggling act, it’s
definitely a juggling act.

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One sec.

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The grits are still a little bit
hot, okay, give me just one minute.

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I'm waking up several times
during the night

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to either change them
or at least check on him.

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Make sure he's dry.

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- Okay, I'm in earshot
if you need anything.

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Okay.

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So sleep is elusive,
and I've stumbled in the night. I've

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cursed.

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Oops.

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Oh, gosh. You know, stomped my toe.

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It’s just a fatigue
that I just never, never experienced

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before caregiving.

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Sometimes, I’ll get to the point
where I’m just so exhausted that

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I’m just breaking down crying
and just want to lay in bed

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and I don’t have the luxury
of laying in bed.

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You okay?

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♬♬ 

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Some days
I feel like I need a break,

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like a forever break.

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I know that I won't get that break
unless dad leaves us.

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And I don't want that either so
it's such a mixed bag of emotions.

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You know, I'll never be free
from this.

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This stress, and anxiety,

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and tears, and emotion

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until one of us is no longer here.

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So. That's the future.

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He deserves quality care,
and that's paramount.

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Nothing else matters.

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Nothing else matters.

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My needs are secondary.

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I can take care of my needs later.

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Dad comes first.

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Love you. Dad.