Eyes on Dad
A Caregiving Story

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Good morning dad.

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Good morning! You’re doing okay?

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Good morning.

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I had a dream just recently
where some people came to get dad

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and they said that I wasn't
taking really good care of him and

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they took his bed out with him in it
and I was begging them not to.

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I cried so much that
I woke myself up crying.

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You remember I told you today

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I'm gonna be going to New York
for Jordan's graduation?

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Junior and Kim and Caprice

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are gonna be taking care of you
while I'm gone, okay? Is that okay?

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You know, I'm going on vacation
Monday, and we'll stay through

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Sunday, which is the longest time
I've been away from dad.

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I can't even remember.

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Just everytime you turn him
for the hip, daily, ya know

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just check it and just make sure it looks okay.
Okay.

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I'm excited because I love New York.

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I haven't hung out
with my older sister in a while.

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I get to see an old friend
while I'm in town and sleep.

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I get to sleep through the night.

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So all those things are wonderful.

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Will I relax?

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I don’t know.

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Can you just hold the phone
up to his ear?

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Sure I will.
Okay.

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A little bit nervous
about leaving him.

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You know, he's well taken care of.

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Oh, that's not it. I just, I’m

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afraid he's not going to remember me
when I get back like he didn’t

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remember you the other day.

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Mmmhmmm.

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He's not the same person
that he once was.

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I don't know with his dementia

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what his mind is thinking
throughout the day.

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We don't hear much of his voice
anymore.

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You comfortable dad?

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mm-hmm

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Okay.

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So getting close to him
kind of helps me

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feel like I'm having that connection
with him.

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It's just hard to see life in him.

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And I'm trying to get something

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that maybe isn't there.

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[Laughing]

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I just can't imagine anyone

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taking better care of him than I am.

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Dad, are you full
or do you want more sandwich?

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More sandwich.

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Ok good.

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Junior’s
got more sandwich for you, dad.

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You give him a big old piece.

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Ok. I think I been doing this
long enough,

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I know what to give him.I know,
but wow!

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Two weeks ago, maybe

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my brother was here
helping me with dad and

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my brother said, hey, dad,
do you know who I am?

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And he said, yeah, my wife.

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And he broke my heart.

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It scares me to be away from him

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for that long.

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Because we have such a routine,

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I'm afraid
that he's going to forget me.

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You remember I told you today

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I'm gonna be going to New York
so I can see Jordan graduate?

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Okay, I’m going to be leaving

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in a little bit for the airport,
okay?

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Got it? Mhmm.

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You got the keys?

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Dad and I always had this, this closeness.

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We had just a lot of

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father daughter conversations.

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And I just miss hearing dad’s voice.

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Just missing who he really was.

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Yeah.

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When I took the plane
back from New York,

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I had a lot of mixed emotions.

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I thought,
oh my gosh, the fun is over.

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But also,
I needed to lay eyes on dad.

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I needed that acknowledgement
that he remembered me.

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Did I tell you I had gone
to New York, and I was looking

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at Jordan and, pumpkin
spending some time with them.

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mm-hmm

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Yeah, Jordan
graduated from high school.

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hmm

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Yeah, and Pumpkin had her
birthday this past weekend.

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I gave Jordan some

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graduation money from you. Ok?

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hmm

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I love you.

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Do you know who this is,
Dad?

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mm-hmm

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Who am I?

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Lynnette.

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Oh.

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I love you so much.

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When he said my name

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It sounded like dad again.

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You know, like my old dad.

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Just kind of matter of fact.

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okay.

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And that's all I needed.

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It's all I needed.